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Toby's Fourth Birthday Celebration

Looking for the Light

Looking for the Light

I’ve looked at this picture 100xs since Wednesday morning. I was up early and crying before I even lifted my head off my pillow. I miss Toby. I want to hold my son. I want to say “You’re four!” And see him smile or laugh at me. I want to hear him laugh. I want to hug him and not let go. May 27, 2016 Wednesday I sat on the couch and waited for the sun. I thought it would...

May 2, 2020

May 2, 2020

There are days in our lives that we dream about. Birthday’s Graduation’s Wedding’s Anniversary’s The birth of a child Memorial services Family Gatherings We all have them and prepare for them in our own way. Today was one of those days for us. I have struggled with emotions all week. Today has been special for 14 months. A day when our amazing family and friends come together to help us celebrate Toby. We had people coming in from across the...

Sunsets & Signs From You

Sunsets & Signs From You

We have seen some incredible sunsets over the last few weeks. Quarantine has my heart, among other things, missing Toby so incredibly deeply. I always feel like my heart can’t break any more, but it’s in the deepest places of grief, approaching the time of year when Toby was born and spent 12 incredible weeks with us, that I find that my heart, can and does continue to break. I was upstairs tonight helping Luke get ready for bed and...

#GivingTuesday – Here is Our WHY.

#GivingTuesday – Here is Our WHY.

We had a whole vision for #GivingTuesday, but life happened and our little one ended up spending the past few days in the hospital. As I was thinking about this campaign last night, my heart kept coming back to our life the past few days. So I will share our story - our WHY. Zeke, Toby's brother, started showing signs of a cold while we were traveling for the holiday. Not sleeping, fever off and on, runny nose, all around not...

A Tree for Toby and All the Infants Who Have Died

A Tree for Toby and All the Infants Who Have Died

Today was a special day. Today, in the company of the nursing staff and members of the Labor & Delivery Department from Allegheny Health Networks Forbes Hospital, we planted a tree outside the entrance to the hospital, in memory of Toby and all the infants in our community who have died. On August 24, 2016, we stood inside the walls of the Emergency Department of Forbes Hospital feeling completely broken. Our perfect world as we knew it had been broken...

Nursery of Hope

Nursery of Hope

Join the Nursery of Hope — a partnership between The Little Fox – Toby’s Foundation and Foundations across the nation — as we pay tribute to the precious little ones who have passed away prematurely of Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUIDS). We invite parents, families, and friends to plant a “Legacy Tree” during the month of October to honor babies gone too soon. According to the Centers of Disease Control (CDC), nearly 3,500 infants die each year for causes unknown....

When You Have A Child In Heaven

When You Have A Child In Heaven

When you have a child in Heaven you spend the night before Easter doing activities for him and talking all about him with his siblings. ♥️ Easter has by far been the most gentle holiday for my heart since Toby died. The first Easter without him Lucas had the flu and I sat on the floor with him most of the night. I watched the sun come up through the window that his tree is directly in front of and...

National Sibling Day

National Sibling Day

Today is National Sibling Day. ???????????? Today I want to take a moment and talk about our oldest son, Lucas. Luke turned two 10 days after Toby died. Many people said to us, when we expressed our fear and anxiety for him, "He's too young, he won't remember or understand." Well, I'm here to show you - you're wrong. He absolutely understands and he does not miss a breath when someone talks to him, or us, as if he is...

Hold Tight To Your Umbrella

Hold Tight To Your Umbrella

This little guy is 12 weeks old today. While this should be a celebrated milestone, my heart is heavy, my nerves are frazzled and on edge, and the anxiety running through me is intense. This was the last week we had Toby with us in our arms. Just a normal week, in our minds. Not knowing the plans God had for Toby and our family. Not knowing the events that would forever change our lives in 5 short days. As...

Memories, Emotions, and Signs from Heaven

Memories, Emotions, and Signs from Heaven

These last few days have been hard. I thought I was emotionally ready for the New Year, but my gosh, was I fooling myself. It’s been a series of small things that stir my emotions. Unpacking gifts for the boys; putting new clothes away for a 4year old and an infant, knowing there’s years of clothes in between that should be here, but they’re not. Birthdays for our nieces and friends babies. Watching Zeke grow by the week and seeing...