I’ve had to pray a lot more (than usual) this past month. I know I’ve talked before, but this is my season of grief. These are the days when the pain hits hard. Like take me to my knees, not able to catch my breath, pain. I spent two weeks writing the names of over …
I wonder if it’s always sunny in Heaven? Does it get cold? Do you help the Angels make snowflakes before they fall to earth? Does Heaven have a Spring season? Or do the flowers always bloom anew? Do you have a bedtime? What size shoe do you wear? How fast can you run? And do …
This little guy is 12 weeks old today. While this should be a celebrated milestone, my heart is heavy, my nerves are frazzled and on edge, and the anxiety running through me is intense. This was the last week we had Toby with us in our arms. Just a normal week, in our minds. Not …
August holds my fear. It holds my happiness and feeling of wholeness. August is where ‘who I was’ lives and ‘who I became’ appeared. August holds my sons last breath. It holds my whole heart. August holds captive my sons future and every motherly wish I could ever have for him. As I stand on …
When I first started my professional career I told my mom, “I’m going to have my own company in my 30’s.” I wanted it to be a combination of marketing and community involvement. I never could have predicted that my company would be founded in memory of our son. We never could have predicted how …
Today marks another month without our son. It marks more milestones and brings with it more triggers – second spring break trip; first trip with the kids to DC; laughing with cousins and pictures where Toby’s always missing. Luke reminded us multiple times today that you are here with us and there have been little …
I lay in bed last night listening to the rain on the windows of the house. The wind blew so fiercely it felt as though it was something swiping through the air, grabbing, lifting whatever it could – then it was gone. I listened to it for a few moments. It happened two, three, times. …
I love this picture. It is one of the last pictures we have of Toby. I remember this moment so vividly. This was the first time we put him in this chair – and he loved it! He sat up so well and he giggled looking at the little toys attached to the top. Luke …
For my latest article for Still Standing Magazine, I wrote about one of the unexpected grief triggers that has continually paralyzed me throughout these first 12 months of grief. You can read the article here: An Unexpected Trigger
Grief has a mind of its own. It has a way of rearing its head at a time that catches you with your guard down. It leaves you alone with your thoughts and deeply sad. Grief over these last four weeks has been quite harsh. Moments which have remained frozen or numb in my mind …
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