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Tag: grieving parents

This Season of Grief

Posted on by 4Cadmin

This Season of Grief

I’ve had to pray a lot more (than usual) this past month. I know I’ve talked before, but this is my season of grief. These are the days when the pain hits hard. Like take me to my knees, not able to catch my breath, pain. I spent two weeks writing the names of over 100 babies for us to honor during Wave of Light vigil and I found myself wondering about all of them. Did they know Toby? What...

What’s Heaven Like?

Posted on by 4Cadmin

What’s Heaven Like?

I wonder if it’s always sunny in Heaven? Does it get cold? Do you help the Angels make snowflakes before they fall to earth? Does Heaven have a Spring season? Or do the flowers always bloom anew? Do you have a bedtime? What size shoe do you wear? How fast can you run? And do you like to jump in puddles? I always thought you’d be a baseball player. That you’d be our boy who was the all-star pitcher. I...

Hold Tight To Your Umbrella

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Hold Tight To Your Umbrella

This little guy is 12 weeks old today. While this should be a celebrated milestone, my heart is heavy, my nerves are frazzled and on edge, and the anxiety running through me is intense. This was the last week we had Toby with us in our arms. Just a normal week, in our minds. Not knowing the plans God had for Toby and our family. Not knowing the events that would forever change our lives in 5 short days. As...

My Battle With The Beast

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

My Battle With The Beast

August holds my fear. It holds my happiness and feeling of wholeness. August is where ‘who I was’ lives and ‘who I became’ appeared. August holds my sons last breath. It holds my whole heart. August holds captive my sons future and every motherly wish I could ever have for him. As I stand on the doorstep of another anniversary, I have started to wander into the past, hoping to pull with me each and every moment, no matter how...

20 Months of Emotion

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

20 Months of Emotion

When I first started my professional career I told my mom, “I’m going to have my own company in my 30’s.” I wanted it to be a combination of marketing and community involvement. I never could have predicted that my company would be founded in memory of our son. We never could have predicted how August 24, 2016 would alter our lives. We could have never imagined the impact that Toby’s life would have on so many people and families....

Third Star To The Right

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Third Star To The Right

Today marks another month without our son. It marks more milestones and brings with it more triggers - second spring break trip; first trip with the kids to DC; laughing with cousins and pictures where Toby’s always missing. Luke reminded us multiple times today that you are here with us and there have been little signs while we’ve been away that tell us you’re never far away. I sat on the train on our ride back today, listening to Luke...

God’s Timing

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

God’s Timing

I lay in bed last night listening to the rain on the windows of the house. The wind blew so fiercely it felt as though it was something swiping through the air, grabbing, lifting whatever it could – then it was gone. I listened to it for a few moments. It happened two, three, times. It felt like I was having a déjà vu moment. I closed my eyes tightly trying to recenter my thoughts, away from the weather outside,...

Month 14

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Month 14

I love this picture. It is one of the last pictures we have of Toby. I remember this moment so vividly. This was the first time we put him in this chair - and he loved it! He sat up so well and he giggled looking at the little toys attached to the top. Luke and I laughed with excitement, watching his eyes open really wide and looking at us, being so proud of what he was doing. I look...

Unexpected Triggers

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Unexpected Triggers

For my latest article for Still Standing Magazine, I wrote about one of the unexpected grief triggers that has continually paralyzed me throughout these first 12 months of grief.  You can read the article here:  An Unexpected Trigger

Month 11: Grief has a mind of its own

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Month 11: Grief has a mind of its own

Grief has a mind of its own. It has a way of rearing its head at a time that catches you with your guard down. It leaves you alone with your thoughts and deeply sad. Grief over these last four weeks has been quite harsh. Moments which have remained frozen or numb in my mind are starting to resurface and rather than the very familiar sting that comes daily with memories, they hit hard, take away my breath, and bring...