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Tag: Infant Loss

This Season of Grief

Posted on by 4Cadmin

This Season of Grief

I’ve had to pray a lot more (than usual) this past month. I know I’ve talked before, but this is my season of grief. These are the days when the pain hits hard. Like take me to my knees, not able to catch my breath, pain. I spent two weeks writing the names of over 100 babies for us to honor during Wave of Light vigil and I found myself wondering about all of them. Did they know Toby? What...

What’s Heaven Like?

Posted on by 4Cadmin

What’s Heaven Like?

I wonder if it’s always sunny in Heaven? Does it get cold? Do you help the Angels make snowflakes before they fall to earth? Does Heaven have a Spring season? Or do the flowers always bloom anew? Do you have a bedtime? What size shoe do you wear? How fast can you run? And do you like to jump in puddles? I always thought you’d be a baseball player. That you’d be our boy who was the all-star pitcher. I...

Hold Tight To Your Umbrella

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Hold Tight To Your Umbrella

This little guy is 12 weeks old today. While this should be a celebrated milestone, my heart is heavy, my nerves are frazzled and on edge, and the anxiety running through me is intense. This was the last week we had Toby with us in our arms. Just a normal week, in our minds. Not knowing the plans God had for Toby and our family. Not knowing the events that would forever change our lives in 5 short days. As...

Toby’s Memory Chest

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Toby’s Memory Chest

A few months ago we decided to have a chest made for Toby to hold all of his special things that have been in the nursery for 2 years. We wanted it to be special and a place where we could collect things for him, from him, about him and about the Foundation, while also being a display piece, in his memory, in our home. Our hopes came full circle when we were connected to a very special and talented...

My Battle With The Beast

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

My Battle With The Beast

August holds my fear. It holds my happiness and feeling of wholeness. August is where ‘who I was’ lives and ‘who I became’ appeared. August holds my sons last breath. It holds my whole heart. August holds captive my sons future and every motherly wish I could ever have for him. As I stand on the doorstep of another anniversary, I have started to wander into the past, hoping to pull with me each and every moment, no matter how...

21 months & Lots of Prayers

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

21 months & Lots of Prayers

Guys! It’s official - The Little Fox | Toby’s Foundation is incorporated & approved! ???? In just two weeks time all of our paperwork was reviewed and approved. We were told to not expect anything for 6-8 weeks. As soon as I started to read the letter last night I thought “This is all Toby’s doing. He’s opening doors again!” He knows his momma and she can’t wait for anything, especially when there’s work to be done, families to help,...

20 Months of Emotion

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

20 Months of Emotion

When I first started my professional career I told my mom, “I’m going to have my own company in my 30’s.” I wanted it to be a combination of marketing and community involvement. I never could have predicted that my company would be founded in memory of our son. We never could have predicted how August 24, 2016 would alter our lives. We could have never imagined the impact that Toby’s life would have on so many people and families....

Third Star To The Right

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Third Star To The Right

Today marks another month without our son. It marks more milestones and brings with it more triggers - second spring break trip; first trip with the kids to DC; laughing with cousins and pictures where Toby’s always missing. Luke reminded us multiple times today that you are here with us and there have been little signs while we’ve been away that tell us you’re never far away. I sat on the train on our ride back today, listening to Luke...

Learning to Live

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

Learning to Live

Life is hard. Grief is harder. It gets worse before it gets better. This makes everyday challenges & situations sharper and hard to not take directly to heart. I look around the world some days and then I look at Luke and think “Am I doing this right?” Honestly, some days I’m not sure. My heart has been very heavy lately. Some days I feel like I’ve been pulled back into the first few weeks without Toby. It’s scary. It’s...

God’s Timing

Posted on by The Little Fox Foundation

God’s Timing

I lay in bed last night listening to the rain on the windows of the house. The wind blew so fiercely it felt as though it was something swiping through the air, grabbing, lifting whatever it could – then it was gone. I listened to it for a few moments. It happened two, three, times. It felt like I was having a déjà vu moment. I closed my eyes tightly trying to recenter my thoughts, away from the weather outside,...