I wonder if it’s always sunny in Heaven?
Does it get cold?
Do you help the Angels make snowflakes before they fall to earth?
Does Heaven have a Spring season?
Or do the flowers always bloom anew?
Do you have a bedtime?
What size shoe do you wear?
How fast can you run?
And do you like to jump in puddles?
I always thought you’d be a baseball player. That you’d be our boy who was the all-star pitcher.
I bet you can knock it over the fence on Heaven’s baseball field.
What places have you visited?
Where can you catch the best sunset?
Do you help lay out the constellations on a clear summer night?
Is Murray enjoying running in the fields with you? Or how about playing catch?
Or does he just nap the day away under a tree while you ride your bike or play in the stream?
Do you hear my prayers at night?
Or catch our kisses we send through the clouds?
There isn’t an hour of the day when you don’t cross my mind, Toby.
I miss you so much and my broken heart aches to hold your hand; brush your hair back off your forehead; place a bandaid on your knee; cheer you on from the bleachers; listen to you laugh with your brothers; or hug you and don’t let you go.
There are days I try so hard to hold it together, for you. But there are others when I can’t hold the tears in. I wish you weren’t so far away, or that I could have taken your place.
The seasons are just around the corner that we shared with you earth side. It’s a season for me where sadness and joy are so intertwined and I am constantly reminding myself to breathe. I can’t count the days, so I try and count the minutes.
We are watching for you, my little one. With every day we look for your presence. Your guidance. Your handiwork. From Heaven. Keep watch over us and your brothers.
You are missed more than any number of words could describe, my little boy.
xo,
Mommy ❤️
